Monday, February 8, 2016

Want some more salsa?? :)

Have been thinking for so long to sharing what all has been happening with salsa..the 1,2,3..5,6,7..but I guess it just takes a moment and not days of thinking to sharing..so here I am..all fresh and happy to re-live every move all over again…no matter how tired I am, I just can’t stop once I start….one, two, three hours and I am still not tired and with every new step, I seem to get deeper into the magic…and with every step that I am learning, it doesn’t feel complicated any more…I guess it’s all about going with the flow...letting your body go with the beats… J but this doesn’t mean we don’t need to practice…can’t tell how many time we repeat…but never enjoyed practicing anything so much...forward, backward and round over and over again…. J
The last few classes have been so much fun...we learned a few new steps with our partners...the guy turns the girl around and back to 5,6,7…and the guy turns the girl in..then 1,2,3..5,6,7…and then out..in..and finally out…and then back to 1,2,3….5,6,7...hahaha…this may be sounding way too complicated to all of you who aren’t a part of the class but I can totally move to this…wow!!! it’s just so effortless once you get it…and a great feeling to be able to feel this...it’s like the two people dancing together are not just dancing but living every moment of it and sharing it without saying a word…I always wanted to learn this but I had never thought that it felt like this…It’s so funny that I mostly have this big, broad smile throughout the session..it just doesn’t seem to fade…feels absolutely beautiful… J

There is one more thing that I realized when I was dancing with this girl friend of mine pretending to be the GUY…no matter what girls say that it’s “Patriarchal” for the guys to direct us J, it is not an easy job..any mistake and the guy is blamed…hahaha…so let’s give the guys some credit… J And guess what..I am not just learning but also teaching a friend..hahhaha…it makes it all the more fun...thanks to him and all others who have made it possible…can’t wait for the next session and the next step…and hopefully before we all leave for semester break!!! J J J

Salsa is here!! :)

Finally it’s here…after having wanted for such a long time, I finally get the chance to learn Salsa…thanks to SWSF for their initiative…and special thanks to Ajay Pinjani, our instructor J ..when I first heard of it, was so excited to just start with the first class..went there and found this huge crowd of students, all eager to explore this new option in TISS, something different from the regular activities; talks, lectures, seminars, movie screenings and hell lot of work…it seemed everybody was looking forward to some refreshment, and to meeting new people…at least I was..but I was wondering how this many people, some 85, would fit in that room (the Yoga Room in the Gymkhana)..surprisingly, we did…I had reached a little late..so missed some steps..but picked up in a while..oh!!!can’t say how good it was to move to the count..not that I had never danced before but learning it was a whole new experience…1,2,3…5,6,7…it went on and on…learned some steps and went on with the count till we were perfect at it… I was placed right in front of this huge mirror…just felt good…looking at myself…felt like I was dancing to myself J..although my eyes were drifting here n there and it was fun to see other people move on the mirror…no matter how we were moving…everybody seemed to enjoy it and that is what I feel is most important…didn’t even realize when an hour passed..I remember how much I wanted to continue dancing…continue going 1,2,3…5,6,7…I remember stepping out of the Gymkhana with this big, broad smile on my face…J

In the next class, we first repeated the old steps and then Ajay taught us something new…the turn, which looked really difficult…but believe me, with a good instructor like “Ajay” and good learners like “Us”, everything is possible.. J yes..we did it!!! we learned that too…and I completely enjoyed looking at myself on the mirror again and dancing to myself with grace and confidence…hahaha…even if I didn’t, it felt like I did…probably this whole “Salsa” mood does this to you… J after practicing for a while, we were told to pair up with anybody…a girl, a guy..anybody…it was really funny how all of us were trying to find someone…and I decided that I wouldn’t pair up with my friend Preeta J so found Mayuresh, this guy from Habitat Policy..when Ajay was explaining to us on how we were supposed to move our hands in the direction the man in the pair moves his feet, to direct the woman…everyone went like “whyyy???”…seriously TISSians can start on feminism anywhere and everywhere J it was really good dancing with him...I realized the way a man holds a woman when they are dancing reflects a lot about his personality…just a perception…haven’t really danced on any dance form before, so this comes from just how it felt…it was just comfortable dancing…and I believe that is one of the most important things when you are learning anything...well, this has been my experience so far in the classes…looking forward to more of 1,2,3..5,6,7…movements, jiving…all of this J J J

light in the dark!!

i came to this place... a totally new, strange world, really different from where i came.the day i stepped out from the railway station with my father, i was just surprised looking at this huge city and just the thought of having to be without my family here freaked me out.anyway, had to face the reality very soon.the day my father left, i felt completely lost and lonely.joined college, shifted to a p.g. from my uncle's place but none of these really helped me get over my home sickness.it was my will to come to delhi for higher studies but i regretted having taken this decision at all.i couldn't discover the true worth of being here for almost an year.i didn't know what i was doing and where i was heading to.i actually realized that my enthusiasm and spirit was getting down and down every single day.not that i wasn't smiling or laughing at all but i realized it was not me, it was something only superficial.i was trying hard to keep myself busy and involved in activities other than college so that i could feel better, but somehow could find nothing good.

it was like god was watching it all, that he knew that i was sad and low, that i needed a friend, that i needed to do something that would help me recognize my inner-self.it was just by chance that a friend happened to give me a guy's contact, who could help me get associated with some social organization.i finally called him up after few days and fixed a meeting with him.it was through him that i met murphy, the founder of the ngo i am now working with that is called R.O.P.I.O. Foundation.it works for slum kids and women.when i first met him, i wasn't really sure about what it was going to be like.i had stepped into a completely new environment, something that i wasn't familiar with; a large area with some 500-600 families inhibited in it.it was a slum, where murphy and his volunteers taught and helped the kids develop in all aspects.i too went there as a volunteer but soon i found myself hooked up with the place and the people.within days, i could feel the difference in me, i was changing back to what i actually was.i was "happy" after almost an year and was finally satisfied being in delhi.everything changed; the college, the people because i had changed; everything felt happy because i was happy.being with these people, i was helping myself become a better and happier person everyday.but life isn't smooth, there are going to be ups and downs all the time.god keeps testing you by facing you with difficult situations.

i had joined the organization on 15th of november and it was only two weeks after i had joined murphy and his family that i was faced with something i had never even imagined of.the slum of g.point was demolished by the MCD and within two days, all the houses there were pulled down to rubble.seeing people crying all around for their loss, seeing kids shivering in the cold without shelter, seeing murphy shattered amidst all the chaos and rubble, still trying to be strong and calm for the people was something too hard fr me to accept as a reality.it was like a nightmare to me, something i couldn't get over with for quite some time.i cried and felt helpless before all of that, thought that there was nothing i could do for them.my brother then consoled me that crying and feeling sad was no solution, and if i really wanted to do something for these people, i would have to get over my grief first and become stronger, so that i can be there for those in despair and make them believe that there was hope. i went there almost everyday trying to help them in every way possible.i realized that the thing they needed the most was emotional support and love and this was something i could give them.it was after all of this that i realized that all those things i always cribbed about were nothing but mere petty issues compared to what so many people like these faced everyday in their lives.these people taught me to be happy and satisfied with whatever i have and care and share; that it's never the end of the world; that there is always a hope.i am surprised by the fact that in the process of teaching these kids, there is so much more that i have learned and understood.

i feel i have discovered the purpose of my life after after meeting these people.i realize that i would be able to attain the true worth of my life only if continue to help more and more such people and stand so well in life so that i can do a lot more for the cause in future.i would also like to share something with all of you, especially the youth,"if ever you feel sad, just step outside and look around.you'll see so many people who are in worse conditions, yet happier.just try sharing, caring and loving unconditionally..not matter how difficult it might seem..it's worth it, trust me!! 

In search for passion..

Passion seems to be the far gone past!!

How I used to feel before..working was fun..doesn’t feel the same way anymore..feel lost and disoriented..find myself missing something constantly..want to go back to the slums..teach kids..my kids..do creative stuff..do everything that I used to...teach, play, cook, clean, sleepover, watch movies, share hugs and unconditional love..feel the same passion again..I am trying to recall how I moved on..how I have become much more calculated and mechanical over time..I realize some things in me have changed for good but there are something other things that never should have..like the fire that was at its peak in me..the craziness, the drive...

Maybe I was way too emotional back then and a little less into that now, which might be good in a way..because that is what so many people told me..that I need to be practical, I need to move on..I guess I have but I feel I have left a big part of me behind..just to ponder upon the past every single day and wonder why I feel so lost..find myself constantly searching for something bigger..a quest to live and a quest for life...

Every time I feel disappointed about the way my life has turned, I tell myself that I take better care of myself now..pamper myself..go to places..spend on a good cup of coffee at a nice place..buy something nice..but I guess, this is just feeding me externally..this is not something that serves my soul well..I realize this doesn’t make me feel happy..want to go back to my craziness..wonder around..find that one place..find the right kind of people...but I am scared to go on a free spree..risk my security..my comfort zone..risk not living up to all the expectations that I am surrounded by..and to be honest, my own expectations..but how far is my comfort zone going to take me??? This comfort zone that doesn’t seem meaningful enough..need to let myself free for a while..have to walk that extra mile..maybe what I am doing right now is not so bad after all..probably just need an extra spice to find that balance in life..maybe I can start off trying to seek that first before I decide to get let go off everything..keeping to my safe side, but still willing to explore a bit more to find something meaningful..something that touches my heart like before..maybe this way, I can rediscover the lost, actually the hibernating passion in me...       


Thursday, March 8, 2012

Stumble upon!!

It's amazing how you happen to meet people and how that person becomes an important part of your life...although it's not very difficult for a person like me to comfortably talk to new people, but still, I am totally amazed by how we meet people as strangers till you realize that they are no more strangers and that it was all God's plan...I feel that things happen the way and whenever they are meant to happen...that everything happens for a reason...n people come to your life for a season, reason or lifetime....:)

Went to book fair and was alone as usual, although a friend happened to join later....was moving around, checking out books and reached this lot of books where everything was for 100 only.. :) met this lady and her daughter and was interested to see them discussing about books...asked her to suggest me some nice ones...she did but suggested me so many that I couldn't decide which ones I could end up buying...hehehe...that's when I met Mr. Vikram Behl...started my conversation just asking him to give his feedback on this specific book, as he appeared like a well-read person to me...n that's how it started but surprisingly that wasn't the end to it...it went on and on for the next 5-6 hours...he sharing his never-ending knowledge on books and about his experiences so far....me telling him about my plans for my future and areas of interest and he, in turn, guiding me as to how I could go about that, how I could pursue my interests...we hopped from one book stall to another but our areas of maximum interest was the ones with lots of books for "100" each..:) every time we spotted one of those, we just made ourselves comfortable on the carpeted floor for the next two hours...sometimes less and sometimes even beyond that, just going through as many books as possible...of course I don't even know 5% of what he probably does about books...so to me it was more like an experimental experience...trying to identify the right books, first picking them by their titles, then reading briefly through the reviews and introduction...and the final feedback from sir, whether it was worth it or not...ended up buying some 20 books this way....and sir bought some 40 books... :) and he still said that it was nothing compared to the number he had bought the previous years...the bags were just so heavy...just too heavy to lug in one shot...so we stopped by for coffee and stopped later to rest for a while, when we talked more about our experiences, interests and many more things...it was an amazing experience...such a pleasure to share and learn so much from someone as senior as him...it was that day and it was two days later when sir called to inform me about this film festival that was going to happen at India International Centre...feel so lucky to have been a part of it...such an informative three-day session it was....really grateful to sir to have informed me about this...this is how, just by chance, I met sir and how we became a part of each before even realizing it...n this is how amazing it is to see how you come across so many people in your life everyday...and people come to your life for a reason, season or lifetime...and that's for God to decide...:)

My fairytale coming true!!!

I remember someone very special telling me that the day I stop waiting; the day I stop expecting, he will come...that I am perfect the way I am and someone somewhere is waiting to meet this perfect me...and so true was that...

Went there like any other occasion except that I looked a little different, but was with the same fun-filled spirit and the same big broad smile...was thoroughly enjoying just being a spectator for the first time and jumping around hugging and clicking...and that was when I first happened to see him with a friend...thought he was cute like a girl does and told my friend that I wanted to dance with him...n was glad to find out later that he did too...danced..danced and just danced...maybe even shared a few words but I could sense that something was special...it was great fun...the party got over and the next day I get he asks me out for coffee through my friend...Oh!! how grateful and happy I was... :) coz had never thought this was to come after me finding him cute...after me kind of liking someone and he liking me back...went with her...we talked walked and it was just nice...really nice...so nice that I couldn't wait to meet him again...finally met and met again and again...n small things that have been happening...."Chai" by the roadside, laughing, walking, just holding hands, listening to music, just being the way I am...the way I had always wanted it to be....simple moments...very small concerns....it just feels so special...it just feels so amazing...like God has planned it all...like a fairytale finally coming true....:)

Sunday, February 5, 2012

Just let it be..It's okay!!

Sometimes you just got to let it be because some things are taken care of!!! :)

This year has come with so many surprises....totally unexpected...people, incidences, experiences that have changed so much in me and turned my life to a completely new direction...where I can better understand myself...where I can follow my heart more easily...where I can take the courage to follow my dreams....so much has happened and so much still happening...so much learning and changing everyday that it's sometimes really hard for me to handle it...n that's when I go through these really weird phases....at such times, everything is fine but I just can't figure out what's going on in my head...what is it that I am trying to understand....

Experienced this feeling less than a month ago....had gone to Dilli Haat that day for a workshop....went around the place while waiting for the kids and Murphy to come and loved it as always...so full of colours...so much fun....once I met them, I realized that I hadn't seen the kids for a very long time and I really enjoyed the time I had with them...clicked some pics, did some painting and took a few kids to show around the stalls....while we were crossing one of the stalls, I just mentioned to the kids very casually that I loved this particular bag...later when we were all going towards the exit to see off the kids, Krishna (one of our kids) came to me with a gift and told me that it was for me, my Santa gift...it was the same bag...I just couldn't believe it...was so amazed and overwhelmed by seeing how thoughful these kids can be....especially when I was trying to figure out my bond with the kids...after the kids left, I stayed back to spend some time with Shruti...when we snacked and she gifted me a beautiful pair of earrings...loved all of that....she wanted me to stay back for longer, so we went to C.P after that where she said all that she had to...she was really upset about a lot of things and I just tried my best to be there for her and she did feel better...came back to the hostel and we celebrated Neha's birthday...it was all nice but by the time I reached back, I had already started feeling low...went back upstairs and don't know tried calling how many people just to feel better..but nobody was free to talk....couldn't stop feeling terrible and couldn't stop crying....just cried and cried and cried...my sister called later...screamed at her for never being there for me...and still cried...thought that would help but it didn't...finally called Murphy and spoke to him for almost half an hour and he kind of helped me figure out what possibly could have been bothering me so much...but realized the next day, after talking to Dee about this, that God had, at that moment, given me a chance to develop this special bond with him, to share with him, to experience his presence in my life in a deeper sense...He had given me a chance to bridge the gap between him and me....all I needed to do at that moment was to close my eyes and just speak to him like I would to my sister, brother, friend or anybody else I am close to....because at times, when you are trying to sort out among so many feelings and thoughts, you just need to let it be...leave it to God to help you understand what it is...just be all by yourself....and it's only God who is the purest reflection of you!!! :)