Sometimes you just got to let it be because some things are taken care of!!! :)
This year has come with so many surprises....totally unexpected...people, incidences, experiences that have changed so much in me and turned my life to a completely new direction...where I can better understand myself...where I can follow my heart more easily...where I can take the courage to follow my dreams....so much has happened and so much still happening...so much learning and changing everyday that it's sometimes really hard for me to handle it...n that's when I go through these really weird phases....at such times, everything is fine but I just can't figure out what's going on in my head...what is it that I am trying to understand....
Experienced this feeling less than a month ago....had gone to Dilli Haat that day for a workshop....went around the place while waiting for the kids and Murphy to come and loved it as always...so full of colours...so much fun....once I met them, I realized that I hadn't seen the kids for a very long time and I really enjoyed the time I had with them...clicked some pics, did some painting and took a few kids to show around the stalls....while we were crossing one of the stalls, I just mentioned to the kids very casually that I loved this particular bag...later when we were all going towards the exit to see off the kids, Krishna (one of our kids) came to me with a gift and told me that it was for me, my Santa gift...it was the same bag...I just couldn't believe it...was so amazed and overwhelmed by seeing how thoughful these kids can be....especially when I was trying to figure out my bond with the kids...after the kids left, I stayed back to spend some time with Shruti...when we snacked and she gifted me a beautiful pair of earrings...loved all of that....she wanted me to stay back for longer, so we went to C.P after that where she said all that she had to...she was really upset about a lot of things and I just tried my best to be there for her and she did feel better...came back to the hostel and we celebrated Neha's birthday...it was all nice but by the time I reached back, I had already started feeling low...went back upstairs and don't know tried calling how many people just to feel better..but nobody was free to talk....couldn't stop feeling terrible and couldn't stop crying....just cried and cried and cried...my sister called later...screamed at her for never being there for me...and still cried...thought that would help but it didn't...finally called Murphy and spoke to him for almost half an hour and he kind of helped me figure out what possibly could have been bothering me so much...but realized the next day, after talking to Dee about this, that God had, at that moment, given me a chance to develop this special bond with him, to share with him, to experience his presence in my life in a deeper sense...He had given me a chance to bridge the gap between him and me....all I needed to do at that moment was to close my eyes and just speak to him like I would to my sister, brother, friend or anybody else I am close to....because at times, when you are trying to sort out among so many feelings and thoughts, you just need to let it be...leave it to God to help you understand what it is...just be all by yourself....and it's only God who is the purest reflection of you!!! :)
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